Emotional Transitions: Moving to a New Destination

Back in May of last year, I wrote the first part of this Transitions article, called The Logistics of Transitioning from Country to Country, where I went over all the nitty gritty, logistical details of moving to a new country. At that time, I promised a second part, the emotional side of moving on - and finally here it is.

It's a tough topic to write about, especially for someone as deeply rooted in all things organizing & planning as I am. Fortunately I've been able to glean a lot of information from experts out there, such as Dr. Monica Medina and David Pollock & Ruth Van Reken.

In a recent webinar I attended, Dr. Monica spoke about the steps to a successful move:

1) Preparing to move,

2) Preparing to enter a new school, and

3) Leaving your present school.

For step 1) Preparing to move, I believe Part 1 of my article would help you in preparing for your move. It addresses especially all the paperwork, such as police checks, medical records, letters from HR, and references, that are involved in moving from one country to another.

For step 2) Preparing to enter a new school, Dr. Monica had some valuable advice on transitioning to a new school. First, take some time to get to know your school's culture & values by observing, listening, and asking questions. Also find your go-to people for the different areas of your life, such as a grade-level or department colleague for your day-to-day school questions, someone in your age group and similar demographics (single, married, with or without kids) and someone with similar interests (arts, sports, hobbies) for your life outside of school, and even someone from your home country with whom you can chat about the cultural differences you're noticing in your host country as well as the school culture. Building these key relationships are going to help you get adjusted to your new surroundings. Finally, learn all you can about the procedures, systems, policies, along with the school's culture and values. Know that things will be very different and you can even expect that some things will seem illogical or poorly planned at first sight. It will take time to get adjusted.

Which brings me to something else that Dr. Monica brought up when it comes to entering a new country: Culture Shock. She went over the four stages of Culture Shock, and having lived in 7 countries, I totally agree with her. First is the Honeymoon stage, where everything is Amazing! and you can't believe your luck to be living in such an awesome place. The second is Frustration, where you start to notice the cracks and how backwards some things seem to be. The third stage is Adjustment, when you start to realize the reality of your current situation is somewhere between the rose-coloured glasses phase and the "this is terrible, what a mistake I made" phase. And finally you reach the Acceptance stage, where you learn to live with the ups and downs of your host country, and may even start to appreciate them. Each of these phases could take months to work through - be patient with yourself, knowing that all change takes time.

For Step 3) Leaving your present school, Dr. Monica gave some wise guidance. Be sure to finish up your responsibilities, including ensuring a smooth hand over to your replacement. Ending your time well means being a professional and maintaining good relationships with those you leave behind, including those who will be your future references. Maintain a positive attitude and reflect on the good that came of your time at your school. And enjoy the "lasts" of your present country, which may include a "Leaving Party". I recall fondly my "I'm moving to Korea" party in Oman, where I had a Korean restaurant cater the food, offered up all my collection of wine and alcohol as giveaways (which cannot get shipped FYI), and gathered all kinds of items like camping equipment that weren't coming with me, and had everyone pick a going-away gift from the "Please take me home" room.

Turning to the authors of Third Culture Kids: Growing up among worlds, Pollock & Van Reken came up with RAFT to help children transition from one move to another. I think their advice still stands even for adults. Reconciliation is where you heal unresolved conflicts & hurt feelings. Affirmation is when you express your gratitude & appreciation. Farewell is saying goodbye to people, places, and experiences. And lastly Think Destination is looking ahead to your future opportunities & possibilities.

As you can see, the emotional side of moving can be quite complicated and multilayered. My one big advice is to Be Kind to Yourself - moving is very stressful and can bring up a lot of emotions, both positive & negative. Give yourself the time & patience to work through those emotions and make the adjustments needed for you to have a successful move.

Want to talk to someone who has moved over 20 times since childhood? Book a video call with me and we can go over both the logistical and emotional side of moving to prepare you for this new transition.

I am here to help!